Never Say Never
by ohiomyown
Summary: After the argument at the trailhead in 1983, Ennis and Jack have never seen each other again. There was too much history, too much disappointment. It was over. Needless to say, neither has been able to get over the other, but they have trudged along, making new lives. It is now 1996.
1. Chapter 1

"Wish I knew how to quit you!"

"That's all we got, boy, is Brokeback Mountain!"

The dreams were back with a vengeance, and not the good kind. Ennis rolled over, tangled in his sweaty sheets and groaned. His hand automatically reached to the night stand for his cigarettes, but then he remembered they wouldn't be there. 'Damn it!' he thought, he really needed a smoke in the middle of these nights. These nights when Jack wouldn't leave him alone, these nights when he saw all the errors of his ways . . . but too late to do anything about it.

There could be no more sleep this night so he got up and put the coffee pot on. Showered and shaved, Ennis stepped out onto his porch to reach the newspaper that never quite made it to his doorway. Always a few steps away, sometimes coming apart in the process, sometimes blowing across the lot into the neighboring yards; it was nowhere to be seen. "Shit!"

Just because his day had begun, didn't mean anybody else was up and about at this early hour. He glanced up at the moon and wished for sleep; wished for solace. How much longer could he go on like this? 'God, I need a cigarette' he groaned inwardly.

A light mist, not quite a flurry, fell wet and sweet on his cheeks and eyelashes. Ennis smiled. It was enough to break the spell of needing a smoke, and turn his mind to the grandchildren he would see later today. They loved snow, prayed for snow, and relished playing in it until he thought they would turn into frozen popsicles. The boy, Timmy, is seven now, and his sister, Amy, is almost five. He'd moved here to Casper to be near them, and it was the best decision of his life.

Well, it wasn't as clear cut as all that. Jenny had forced his hand. She and Carl were caring for Ennis following his surgery, and they couldn't keep running to Riverton or Lander or wherever he happened to be living at the time. Besides, all the ranch-hand jobs had dried up, or went to the younger, abler men. So he moved to be closer to his nearest and dearest.

His girls and their families held him together and reminded him of all that was good in the world, all he had to live for. He'd never expected to outlive Alma, but that's exactly what had happened. She's been gone due to breast cancer, six years now, come January. Monroe had preceded her by one year. He died of a heart attack. . . his second.

Ennis had found a small modular home to rent, just west of Soda Lake, south of Bar Nunn. It was only a ten minute drive to Jenny's house out on Blackstone Road northeast of Casper. His job was just five miles north of him, in the Industrial Park on the Harford Air Field Road. He liked his work much better than he'd expected to. Been there five years now. They seemed to like and respect him, he'd gotten a raise every year and a promotion to supervisor, two years ago.

Since the paper was not going to be here for a couple more hours, Ennis went in, replenished his cup of coffee and turned on the TV. They always seemed to have some kind of local news on, someone always yammering about something. He fetched yesterday's paper, got comfortable in his recliner, and prepared to while away an hour or two reading, in lieu of sleep.

The ad for the rodeo almost slipped by unseen, but there was a picture of a bronco buster wearing a black hat, and so his mind rolled back and back all those years to Jack Twist up on Brokeback. Ennis' day dreams were vivid enough to give him a hard-on just like in the old days, or so he told himself. Whether it was or not, he found himself reaching to unzip his fly and take himself in hand, thinking of his best bud all the while. God, he missed that man. It wasn't just the sex, he knew, but having a companion where none had been expected. It was having someone who knew him inside and out, knew his hopes and dreams better than even Ennis did himself. 'Wonder where Jack is now, today, I wonder if he's happy?'.

Ennis dozed off in his recliner, and would have slept all morning except his bad knee began aching from being stretched out that way. It was only satisfied in one position or another for twenty minutes or so; any longer than that, and it started complaining, big time. His other knee, the titanium one, was fine and would probably last him the rest of his life if he took care of it. He knew he had a decision to make within the next year, maybe less.

Waking, he glanced down at the paper sliding off his lap, once again he noticed the ad for the rodeo. "Hmm, wonder if Timmy and Amy would like to see a real live rodeo." he spoke the words aloud to the empty house.

The next Friday morning, Ennis and the grandchildren pulled up to the Fairground gates in Douglas, where the Rodeo was being held. They parked the truck and walked toward the entrance, swallowing thick dust all the way.

Once inside the gates, they found a drinking fountain to wash down the dirt that was blowing in little swirls here and there. "Sure is cold and windy today. Let's get a hot chocolate and a funnel cake, what'dya say?" The kids were totally in support of that! There were plank tables set up for people to eat at, or fix their hot dogs or whatever they needed. No chairs, but plenty of standing room. Ennis helped Amy get a hunk of funnel cake in one hand and her hot chocolate in the other; she was too little to reach the make-shift table.

Timmy was nearly tall enough, but his cup began to tip as he set it up there, and Ennis had to grab it to save both the drink, and the boy standing under it.

Amy spied a section where hay bales were set out for people to sit on and suggested that looked like a better idea. Gladly they moved over there to finish their snacks before finding seats in the arena.

A few minutes later, Ennis was saying, "And the next thing I knew, I was flying through the air! I didn't have no wings like you little angels." The kids had heard this one before, but they loved it every time.

"Oh, grandpa, I like that story!" said Amy.

"Grandpa, why is that man staring at you?" asked Timmy.

Before Ennis could stand up and fully collect his wits about him, Jack Twist was coming forward, looking a bit hesitant, but reaching out for a handshake.

Pushing aside the formality of that handshake, Ennis grabbed Jack in a hug and pounded him on the back over and over. "Look who it is, look who it is!" cried Ennis, "kids this is my old friend, Jack Twist."

"Jack, this is Timmy and Amy Toler, my grandchildren. How you been? What'cha doing here? Where you staying?"

Jack smiled. "Never thought I'd see the day Ennis Del Mar wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise!"

The kids were just standing there stunned, but grinning ear to ear. They'd never seen their grandpa this animated, this excited, this talkative.

Jack and Ennis had not let go of each other. Their hands were patting and touching the other making sure this was not a hallucination, that they were actually seeing their long lost friend.

"Come," said Jack "let's get out of this wind, where we can talk. We can go into my office. You too, kids, I'll show you behind the scenes of a rodeo."

Ennis' head was spinning, he'd have followed Jack anywhere at this moment.

On the way to Jack's office, Ennis found a restroom where he could wash the kids' hands and faces, removing the evidence of the sticky funnel cakes, and the hot chocolate. Timmy and Amy then submitted to being dried off by Mr. Twist with some brown scratchy paper towels from a dispenser.

Ennis' eyes glowed seeing how Jack was still the same guy who could anticipate his every need and never hesitated to help. "Guess we still make a good team."

"We still make a great team," replied Jack "are we all set now?" That last comment he made to the kids. They agreed "all set!"

Inside the office Jack was using here in Douglas was a generic desk with chair, and a few side chairs. The walls were covered with pictures from state fairs, rodeos and other attractions held on these grounds. They were old, mostly black and white group shots of winners with trophies and blue ribbons.

There wasn't much in the drawers of the desk, nor on the shelves of any interest; but Jack found pencils and paper for the children to draw or write on to amuse themselves while he and Ennis caught up on old times. Getting reacquainted would take some doing though, it has been more than thirteen years since they said good-bye at the trailhead in 1983.

"So tell me, what brings you here today?" began Jack, but a younger man walked into the office, disrupting the conversation. Ennis looked at the fellow, stood up surprised at seeing the resemblance, and held out his hand. "Could this be little Bobby?!"

The young man smiled. Jack stood up to do the introductions properly. "Ennis, this is my son, Bob Twist. Son, I'd like you to meet my old friend, Ennis Del Mar."

The two men shook hands and gazed fondly at the other. "So you're The One. It's great to finally meet you." said Bobby.

With a puzzled look on his face Ennis asked, "Likewise, but, the one what?"

Bobby checked his dads face, and Jack nodded. "Yep, son, he's The One."

Bobby then did something that shocked Ennis. He put his arm around him and spoke sincerely in his ear. "I'm glad you're here." he said.

"Me too." admitted Ennis.

Ennis added, "by the way, Bob, these two are my grandchildren, Timmy and Amy. Say hello kids." The children said hello and went back to their artwork.

"Ennis, er . . .may I call you Ennis?"

Ennis was nodding, "Of course you should call me Ennis after all these years."

"Can I take the kids out to sit with my family? Maybe they'd like to watch the barrel races."

"That was your mother's race. Yes, I know they'd like that very much, Bob. Thank you."

Bob Twist shook his head, still marveling about how much of his life this man was a part of, and knew about, but that they'd never met till now.

Once alone, the two men's bodies' collided as if by magnets. They could no more stay apart than they could fly. They kissed and held on for dear life.

They nuzzled and kissed some more. Breathless, they did not want to separate even to draw the next breath.

At one point, Jack pushed Ennis away and asked "Are you married, or anything?"

"No. Are you?"

"No."

And that was that. They were back.

To be continued . . .


	2. Chapter 2

And that was that. They were back.

Jack suggested to Ennis that they should go off for some private time, but he was concerned about leaving Timmy and Amy. So first, the two men joined Bob, his wife and their children in the arena for awhile.

Bob introduced his wife Patsy, and the children Brady, Penny and Lucy to Ennis. The five children were comparing notes about the events, which ones they liked best, and which ones the Twist kids were going to compete in, which were Mutton Bustin' and The Pony Grab. There was a lot of fun and excitement in that section of the bleachers, even though Amy wasn't quite sure what those events were all about.

"Can we, grandpa? Can we?" the Toler children begged. They'd been invited to join the Twists to see the animal babies in the barns, and then to lunch, and later to watch the kids' events. Patsy had invited them, she said they didn't know anyone in the area, and it would be great for her three to have Timmy and Amy stay to visit awhile.

On their way to Jack's room at the hotel, they stopped at a drugstore for emergency supplies, and then at a liquor store for some refreshments.

Ennis was feeling nervous, he'd not been with a man for thirteen years. But this was not just any man, it was the man he loved. 'Oh man', he thought, 'I probably ought to tell him that.'

So the first thing that happened in that room was Ennis calling a halt to everything, as soon as the sacks and bottles were set down good. "Come here, I want to talk to you a minute." he said, taking Jack by the hand and leading him to sit on the bed.

Jack was concerned about what could be so important at a time like this? 'Hope it's nothing bad.' His mind immediately went to Ennis' health or maybe he was with someone now. A man who would treat him like he deserved to be treated . . .

Seated side by side, Ennis said, "I told myself that if I ever got the chance to see you again, I'd come clean about all this. Guess I was braver in my imagination than I am in person – but I still gotta keep my word. And you don't need to answer in any way. It's just that. . . that I love you Jack Twist. I always have from the day we got together up there on Brokeback, and I do till this day. I love you, bud. I'm sorry I never told you."

"Ah Ennis, Ennis. I love you too, Cowboy. Always have, and that will never change."

The two men swallowed hard and nodded, blinking back those unexpected tears and that overpowering emotion. They were finding that hearing those words straight out and spoken seriously is better than guessing it to be true. Much better.

"Now can I finally rip your clothes off and make sweet, sweet love to you or you got more to talk about?" grinned Jack.

"Nope, no more to talk about; that can wait. Gotta get my hands on you, got a lot a time to make up for here."

In spite of their hurry to get horizontal and get laid, they found themselves taking their time. Unbuttoning each other's clothing, laying it aside, touching the long-missed beloved skin with awe, kissing those long-missed favorite spots . . . below the jaw, the tender spot on the neck near the collarbone, on the temples, each nipple, each eyelid, on and on. There were too many favorite spots to be in any hurry.

"You smell the same."

"Is that good?"

"You bet!"

Their passion flamed just as it always had, and they took no notice of the passing of time. Their world was in their arms, nothing else existed. They made love in every way that was possible to connect with a lover, and still they held on tight.

The phone rang in Jack's room.

"Dad?"

"Yeah, Bob."

"You guys hungry?"

"As two bears!"

Bob named a steak house on the highway, and said they'd meet there in an hour. "Okay?"

"We'll be there. How're the kids holding up?"

"Tired, but happy. See you soon."

The table for nine was oval. Ennis and Jack sat next to each other with their grandchildren fanned out in either direction. Bob and Patsy had the opposite two spots, and everyone could see and hear all the others. The kids happily described all the events of their day, including when Timmy scraped his knee, and Brady cleaned and bandaged the wound.

Ennis and Jack did not share any of their day's events, but they didn't need to. Bob could read his dad's happiness across the table and the shine in Ennis' eyes matched the glow in Jack's.

He'd been wondering what was going to happen after dinner. The Toler kids said they were expecting to drive back to Casper this evening. But surely, they would not do that now, would they? In case they needed an extra room, Bob checked to see if the adjoining room next to theirs was available. And at 6 p.m., it was. He had the hotel manager put a Hold on it. . . just in case.

With one phone call to Jenny and Carl, Ennis updated them about the chance meeting with an old friend and the overnight stay. With that done and of course, permission given, the party continued. The four adults strolled leisurely together while the five children raced ahead to the play room at the hotel to run off some steam by climbing, jumping, sliding, yelling, and in general, being kids.

In the lounge area, the adults sat back, drank a coffee and talked as they watched over the children. They talked about where each had been living during the past thirteen years, the general gist of work and life, and all its changes. The visiting came to a close when Bob yawned, and he decided it was time he and Patsy rounded up the children and called it a night.

Ennis and Jack stayed awhile to have a drink together in the bar, letting the family and the noise fade away. They sat quietly in a back booth and marveled at all that had occurred on this day. It was a miracle that today's events had even happened. The timing was everything, If Jack had been in his office ten minutes earlier, or if Ennis hadn't stopped to get the kids a snack, it was just too horrible to think they might have missed each other. This meeting was meant to be. "A Miracle for sure," said Ennis as he took hold of Jack's hand and held on. "I can hardly believe it."

The two men hurried back to the adjoining hotel rooms and their grandchildren. Following baths and tooth brushing, the grandpa's got the Twist and Toler kids into some pajamas. While tucking them in they promised that Papa and Mama Twist would read all five kids a bedtime story and they were to be quiet as little mice and then go to sleep.

They promised, they even crossed their hearts. The youngsters were given lots of hugs and kisses; and both granddads waved good night as the two men went on their way.

In Jack's room, they came together with a need only realized fully today. Slowly and deliberately they loved each other, murmuring their lovers name, telling him over and over how loved he was and how much he was missed.

It had been a long day. Eventually tiring, they got under the covers and got comfortable in each other's arms. They were sleepy but did not want to let this day end.

"You ever see Lureen?"

"Sure, she comes to see Bob and the grandkids. We have family stuff, but it's no problem. She's remarried; found her a nice guy this time."

"I can verify that she found her a good one the first time around."

"Maybe for you, Cowboy, but not for Lureen. Bless her heart."

The guys chuckled over that one, and readied for sleep.

"See you in the morning . . .Ah, how good that sounds!"

"You bet!"

The next morning the sun shone and the fierce winds had died down.

Showered, shaved and almost dressed, Jack asked Ennis about the scar on his knee. "I've got arthritis pretty bad, so I had this knee replaced. Hoping the other one holds out for another year or so. We'll see."

"We're a mess, ain't we? I got a shoulder joint replacement . . see that big scar? Course after bull ridin, I got lotsa scars."

"Grandfathers! It is amazing to me that we are both grandfathers, several times over. Never could have imagined . . ."

"I know. We ain't nineteen any more. Nor thirty-nine, either."

"Yeah. Everybody has to grow old, but I never thought it would happen to us, bud."

"Guess it had to eventually. It's 1996, after all."

"Yeah. Where does the time go?"

"Well, some people use it wisely, while some of us (cough, cough) waste it, being apart."

Later in the coffee shop, Ennis snugged up tighter to Jack's side and asked, "so how long you been in north Colorado?"

"bout seven years, give or take. It's kind of central in my district, and I can make it home from any of the rodeos in about a day's drive."

"Really? How long have you been managing this rodeo? Was it your first?"

"No, I started out ten years ago just having the Nebraska State Rodeo Association. Then I was hired away to run the South Dakota organization. Eventually I had an offer to manage the whole central western district which includes Wyoming, Colorado, Nebraska and South Dakota."

"You like all that responsibility, bud?"

"I did, yeah. It kept me busy and I thrive on the travel, the excitement of the show. But yesterday, everything changed for me. I'm gonna have to think about my future. Yes, I am."

"I know what you mean. Finding you again - that changes everything."

Ennis looked up as the seven family members entered the restaurant and were heading for their table.

"We'll have to do some serious planning. Why don't you come down to Sterling as soon as you can get away? We'll need to put our heads together," suggested Jack.

"heh, heh, don't we always, bud?"

"Yeah. We do, Cowboy. Hey, are you going to have trouble getting off work like before? I want to see you very soon."

"No, it won't be a problem. I manage the warehouse for the Harford Feed Store; I even get sick days and vacation days, Jack. Can you believe it?"

"'Bout time, Cowboy, 'bout time," and he gave Ennis' hand a squeeze.

"Hey guys, anybody hungry for pancakes?" Jack called out.

All five kids jumped up and down and waved their arms. "Yay, yay!"

Bob smiled from ear to ear. He couldn't believe the look of love and contentment on his dad's face. " It's about time," he said aloud, "about time."

Jack looked up at his son, "Whut?"

Bob winked at his dad, and nodded his head. He then sat down at the table next to Patsy and put his arm around her, still grinning.

The waiter came over with water for everyone, and then stood poised with his pen and order pad.

"These hoodlums followed us in here, just give them bread and water."

"Daddeee! No! We want chocolate chip pancakes!"

When everyone had eaten their fill, they started talking about heading back to their various homes.

Bob, Patsy and their kids were all packed up. They had already checked out of the hotel and were leaving immediately following breakfast. They had a soccer game to get to when they got back to Merino, Colorado.

Jack said he still had to check out and he'd head on home before noon. He and Ennis had to say good-bye but they had the kids with them now. Jack packed while Ennis sat on the bed and talked to him. They settled the kids on the other bed and turned on those Saturday morning cartoons for them.

Phone numbers and addresses were exchanged, and plans were made to talk tonight. Ennis wanted to kiss Jack so badly, but he thought that might be bad form in front of Timmy and Amy – to say the least. At last he couldn't wait another second, so he sent the kids into the bathroom to wash their hands before they got in the truck.

Ennis pulled Jack over to the bathroom door where he wedged the side of his foot against the bottom of the door and wrapped his arms around his lover. He kissed him tenderly and hungrily, but swiftly and let him go. Jack grabbed a handful of Ennis' shirt and pulled him forward for a kiss of his own. And then they opened the bathroom door and ushered the clean kids out to the truck.

It felt strangely and sadly familiar when Ennis and Jack were in their own trucks facing each other across a stretch of macadam and knowing they had to leave each other – again. Jack stared at Ennis, licked his lower lip and said "see you soon, friend." Ennis replied, "see you, bud, I'll call you later tonight."

The real difference lay in their expectations . . .nothing was going to prevent them being together . . . not now, not ever again.

tbc


	3. Chapter 3

On their drive back home, Timmy chattered on about his hero Brady Twist while Amy told her grandpa all about her new friends Penny and Lucy. Ennis couldn't actually remember which girl was which, but he kept smiling and nodding, as happy as he'd ever been in his life.

"What did you do while we were playing and visiting with the Twists, grandpa?"

As much of a jolt as it was to hear that name on his grandchildren's lips, he nearly didn't respond. "Grandpa?"

When they'd repeated the question, Ennis nodded some more and told of enjoying his visit with his old friend, and talking about old times, and such. 'Poor ol' grandpa,' they thought, 'what a boring thing to do while we were having fun.' They felt a little guilty.

Carl had lighted the barbeque before they got back, and when they pulled into the driveway, the coals were already grey and fragrant. He put the meat on to cook, and got a beer for himself and Ennis. Jenny didn't care for one just now. The kids had chocolate milk.

Supper was burgers, pasta salad and cherry jello with pineapple and bananas. Jenny had looked forward to having her children home again, and made their favorite foods. She was also anxious to hear if her dad had had a good time. 'He so rarely has fun' she thought.

But one look at her dad, and she no longer worried about that. His cheeks were pink, he was smiling and talking like a . . . like a normal person. The kids were excited to tell their news too. After they got washed up for dinner, everyone sat around the table and enjoyed their meal and their stories.

"Yes, Jack Twist," replied Ennis, "my old fishing buddy from Texas."

Far back in her memory, Jenny remembered her daddy getting ready for his fishing trips with Jack Twist. . . how happy he'd been then, like now. He wasn't that happy when he returned though, he was always very quiet, and he never brought home any fish, not that she could remember anyway. She remembered thinking that her mama didn't like that Jack fellow. She never knew why, they didn't see him much at all. Only that time he showed up at her dad's place when she and Junior were going to go for ice cream with their dad and they were spending the weekend at that terrible old shack with him. Those were hard days, for all of them.

Right now though, all was well with her family, and she was relieved and happy.

As soon as the supper dishes were stacked and rinsed, Ennis kissed the kids and said good-bye to Carl. He hugged his Jenny-girl tightly and kissed her cheek.

As he drove away, Jenny whispered to her husband, "What was that all about?" Carl blinked. "Dunno. Strange."

Ennis hummed along with the radio as he drove home. Whistling as he unlocked his front door, he realized he had to pee, badly. Standing at the toilet, facing the wall, he relieved his bladder while thinking of Jack and their time together. He stood there for a long time thinking. He completely forgot where he was or what he was doing. He had finished urinating a long time ago – minutes passed. He was not used to daydreaming and when he realized he was still standing there, he blushed as if embarrassed . . .but of course, there was no one there checking on how he spent his time. Still, it made him feel odd to know he could be lost in thought like that again; like in the old days. He smiled at the effect Jack Fuckin' Twist still had on him.

Ennis washed his hands and looked up at the bathroom clock. He was to call Jack at 7:30 p.m. and he had twenty minutes to wait. He decided to sort his clothes and start the laundry for the week ahead. If everything was in apple pie order, he'd be ready to go see Jack at the drop of a hat.

After starting the first load, he checked his pantry and began a new grocery list. Having something (having Jack) to look forward to was a long-missed feeling. The excitement grew as the minutes ticked away toward 7:30.

It was 7:35 p.m. After ten rings, Ennis decided to hang up. His mood had come crashing down around his ankles. He decided something had changed Jack's mind: he wasn't interested, he forgot Ennis was going to call, he had a date with someone else or else Jack was in an accident and lying dead along the side of a road. He slumped in his recliner and held his head up with both hands. "What could be the matter?" he moaned.

At 7:45 p.m. Ennis' phone rang. It was a breathless Jack. Ennis heaved a sigh, and nearly collapsed. "We cut it too close, Cowboy. I have several things to do, unpacking for one, and get a shower and all that stuff. Do you mind if I call you back around 9:15?"

A happy Ennis agreed and hung up. Both men got after all the details that make their lives work and looked forward to talking and hearing that special voice on the phone later.

Jenny called around 8:30 and Ennis jumped a foot when the phone rang. He was folding clothes and catching up on the latest newspapers. She wanted to know if her dad would be by in the morning for church, they were having an All You Can Eat Pancake Breakfast and she knew how he loved pancakes.

Ennis explained that he was going to be working tomorrow. He'd taken off Friday for the rodeo, and he was anxious to get back and see if everything was in good order.

"Oh." Jenny said, disappointed. He sometimes went to church with them, perhaps once a month, and she was interested to see him again soon, to see if he was still acting oddly.

"Maybe next time." He said before ringing off, but privately he thought he'd be busy every weekend from now on . . . if he had anything to say about it.

Ennis had shopped and filled the gas tank before his planned 9:15 call from Jack. When he got home and put the groceries away, he got the crock pot going and plunked in a small beef roast. He scrubbed a couple large potatoes and three carrots and put them in with the meat. In the morning, he would pack a tub of this yummy stew mixture for his lunch at work.

With the meal going, he jumped in the shower, then shaved and put on clean sleep pants, tee shirt and socks. All dressed for bed, Ennis assembled the coffee pot for the morning. He would have to do nothing but flip the switch at 4:15 a.m. His crew would be at the warehouse at 5:00 and he liked to be there ahead of time to turn on all the lights and the heat or air, depending on the season.

Ennis turned out all the lights in his home. He could see a bit of moonlight and the numbers glowed on the clock radio, but other than that it was dark. He decided to move the telephone over by the bed. The cord should reach that far. He knew once he lay down, he'd be getting sleepy and talking to Jack would be soothing too.

He picked up the phone to move it, and it went off in his hand. Nearly dropping the loud ringing instrument, Ennis fumbled for a second before answering, "Hey!"

"Hey yourself, gorgeous."

Climbing into bed, Ennis crooned, "you're early."

"Couldn't wait."

"I know the feeling . . .I'm just like a kid with his first love!"

"Am I your first love, Ennis?"

"First, Last and Only, bud."

"Would you think I'm a little girl if I start crying, Ennis?"

"No, Jack, cause I feel the same way. When can I see you again? I just left you around noon, and I already miss you so much."

The lovers discussed logistics and timing, and made a plan to get together later in the week at Jack's place in Sterling, Colorado.

"I love you, Ennis. I just want to tuck this telephone next to my ear and listen to you breathe while you sleep right here in my bed tonight."

"I know. I don't want to let you go either."

"Guess we have to though."

"Yeah, we do. You hang up first."

"Can't. You hang up."

"Okay, together on 3? One, Two . . . hang up Jack."

"No, you hang up – okay on Three."

They hung up and snuggled down to try to sleep.

Ennis called Jack right back.

"What?"

"I love you, Jack Fuckin' Twist!"

"I love you too, Ennis Del Mar, now go to sleep baby."

Tbc~


	4. Chapter 4

Oh what a groggy morning they each had, but neither one regretted what had kept them up late the night before.

At work that Sunday, a few of the crew members noticed the cheerful, chatty mood that Ennis was in, but didn't think too much about it at first.

On Monday, Jenny called Junior. "Hey. You talked to dad lately?"

"Not since mid-week. Why, something wrong with him?"

"No, seems like something's right with him, though."

"What d'ya mean?"

"Well, last Friday he took the kids to the rodeo in Douglas, and they ran into an old friend of dad's. They stayed the night there. When they got back, he's all affectionate and chatty. It's really got me kinda spooked, Junior."

"Yeah. I can imagine. It wasn't that Cassie, was it? The one he dated for awhile?"

"No. That's the strange part. It was that Jack Twist, you know, the guy he used to go fishing with."

"Oh, shit! Mama used to carry on something awful about dad 'n him going off on their trips."

"Well, ya know what Junior? I don't care what it is making him happy. I'm not sure if I realized he liked to fish that much, but if he does, or if he just likes going fishing with this Jack guy, then I'm all for it. I've worried for too many years about him being alone and sad, that I'm ready for him to be in a good mood, and have friends and whatever it takes."

"I'm with you there, Jen. Our daddy is the hardest working, best man I can think of. . . he deserves a break. I for one hope it keeps up this way. I think I need some feed for the horses and goats. {wink, wink} I'll just stop by the warehouse tomorrow and see him. . . . .check this out for myself."

Junior had Kurt drop the twins at school so she could get an early start. There wasn't much traffic in Shoshoni, but the closer she got to Casper, the heavier it got.

When Junior walked in past a customer and a clerk checking off some 50# bags of feed on the huge floor scale, she spied her dad talking to a few of the workers in the back by his massive wooden desk. It was 9:45 a.m. by this time.

When he saw her, he smiled from ear to ear. The others noticed and waved at her, as they returned to their work. Junior got a kiss for her trouble, and hugged her dad mightily. He asked "What're you doin' here on a Tuesday?"

"Need some feed for the horses."

"Already? You oughta be fixed for another week or two."

"Can't I just come and get feed without getting the Third Degree too?"

"What's really up? Everything all right at your house?"

"Sure."

"Then what?"

"Uh. Jenny called. Said you were in a strange mood . . . a good mood, but . . ."

As she stammered out her concerns, Junior noticed her dad's face beginning to get pink. Is he Blushing?!

Ennis put his arm around his daughter's shoulders, turned her around toward his desk, and murmured "We don't wanna talk about this here, now do we?"

"Talk about what exactly? Have you met someone, dad? 'Cause if you have, that's great!"

Ennis called out to his foreman. "Going to lunch, you got it covered?"

Gary, the foreman, looked puzzled. It was only 10 a.m. "Sure, boss!"

Ennis pulled Junior along by the sleeve until they were outside.

"My truck. Now."

"Dad! What's going on with you?"

He pulled up at the drive through window and got two coffees and two muffins and then drove to the airfield lane park. He turned to look at his daughter. He fully looked into her eyes. He was scaring her.

"Dad, what?"

"All your life, I've dreaded this moment, when you would finally ask these questions. I knew I wouldn't lie to you, Junior, even though I lied to your mother. I couldn't do that to you."

Afraid, so afraid, she began to cry. The tears ran down her face and she didn't yet know why she was crying. Ennis began to cry too, but the tears were for her. Not for himself. He was afraid of her disappointment, her disgust when she heard the truth about him.

"In Douglas on Friday, I ran into my old friend, Jack Twist."

"I know, Jenny said . ."

"Junior, let me get this out, please don't interrupt or I won't be able to do this. So last Friday, I saw Jack again, it's been years . . .well I need to tell you. We were not just friends. We were always more than friends, we loved each other. Two men, we were in love. That's what I need to tell you. We still do, and now we refuse to be apart any more. We cannot do this any more."

"Oh my goodness, really dad? But you said something about all my life . . .?"

"Yes, we met in 1963, we herded sheep together that summer up on Brokeback Mountain, I was engaged to your mother already by that time."

"So you loved him before I was born. And yet you married mama? She wasn't pregnant, was she? The timing's not right."

"No, we hadn't done anything like that yet, no sex, I mean. But I felt I had to, I had given my word, you know. We were engaged and I thought it was the right thing to do. Keep my word."

"Oh my god."

"Well, in those days, it was worse than even it is now. Two men together, and all that. It's dangerous, especially out here in rural areas. Some big cities . . . well, that's neither here nor there, Jack and I are not big city people."

"Tell me all of it . . . start at the beginning."

So Ennis talked, their coffee got cold and Junior cried. Eventually they got stiff and chilly just sitting in that truck so she suggested they go to Ennis' house. They could not show their puffy faces and red swollen eyes back at the warehouse; though he did drop her at her truck on the way. She called in for him when they got to his house, and Gary said everything was under control; no problem.

They brewed a fresh pot of coffee and made several fried egg sandwiches and talked on through the early afternoon. Junior remembered some of what her dad was now telling her, but she had not known the significance of what she'd seen and heard. She had actually overheard her mother's accusation in the kitchen that Thanksgiving before her dad stomped out of Monroe's house – never to return again, by the way. But she hadn't known what "You don't go up there to fish," meant.

And finally, Ennis confessed that he had always drug his feet about making a commitment to Jack, even after he and Alma were divorced, because of the brutal killing he'd been shown when he was a child.

"I feared I would be putting us both in danger if we were to ranch up together like Jack always wanted us to. Earl and Rich couldn't protect each other, so I thought neither could we. What I realize only now is that they probably had forty years together, or more. That changes how I think about them."

Junior had never understood the reason for Jack's visit and for him to tear off in his truck like he did, but now it was all fitting together.

The afternoon wore on, Ennis related how it had all come to a head in 1983 with Jack giving up on him, and quitting him because he would not commit to seeing him more often nor living together. So that's the reason we have not seen each other these past thirteen years.

Junior was crying again, Ennis was crying too. "Oh daddy! Are you two going to be able to fix it?"

"Yes, we are. We have. We're going to be together, as soon as we figure out what and where. I'm going to Sterling this weekend so we can get started on our plans."

"And I'm the only one in the world who knows?"

"No. I doubt you are, little darlin', his son knew it when we met on Friday. He said "so you're The One?" Obviously, Jack had told him that there was someone special out there."

"What about Jenny?"

"I don't know how she'll take it, but I need to tell her now too."

Junior told her dad what Jenny had said to her on the phone:

"Well, ya know what Junior? I don't care what it is making him happy. I'm not sure if I realized he liked to fish that much, but if he does, or if he just likes going fishing with this Jack guy, then I'm all for it. I've worried for too many years about him being alone and sad, that I'm ready for him to be in a good mood, and have friends and whatever it takes."

And then she said, "We need to get her over here, now. How many times can you go through this?"

"Not many. You're right, let's call Jenny."

While Junior called her sister, Ennis plugged in the crock pot again and added another couple potatoes and carrots to a pot of water to quickly cook. Then he cracked open a couple tubes of biscuits and laid them out on cookie sheets. He decided that preheating the oven could wait till Jenny got there.

"She'll be here in a half hour or so. I'd like a beer now, dad."

Junior set the table for three, then paced and drank her beer. Ennis took several deep breaths and waited for his girl to get there. Junior was always "Junior", Jenny was "Jenny-girl" or just "girl". He heard her truck pull in and suddenly he had to pee. Oh, the body has its fight or flight mechanisms.

When she rushed in, she looked alarmed. "Now what's the matter over here?" she demanded.

Junior looked at her dad, and raised an eyebrow . . . like, are you telling this story, or am I?

Ennis cleared his throat. "I have something to tell you, Jenny, and until now I had no reason to - I thought. But now I must tell you and your sister and I finally want you to know the truth."

Jenny removed her coat and gloves and threw them across the couch. "Of course dad, what is it? Is it your health?"

All three found seats in the living area and Ennis began. "No, it is not my health. I've not been honest about who or what I am. Not with myself, with you nor your mother. Not with anyone."

"Junior told me you noticed a big change in me when I got back from the rodeo, and it's because I ran into Jack again. I thought I would never see him again, but I did, and now we have another chance."

"A chance, dad? A chance for what?"

"To be together, Jenny. We love each other. We always have. And I am not going to deny it any longer. So this is what I wanted to tell you girls."

Ennis talked some more, and with Jenny's questions and Junior's prompting, the whole entire story got told. From 1963 to 1996; all of it.

Jenny decided to have a beer too.

Then they ate biscuits and stew and rewound some old memories that they had never known the truth of, nor the whole story, until now. Both girls asked questions, and their dad answered honestly.

"So you don't hate me?"

The girls blinked. "Hate you? Whatever for? For sacrificing your life for what you believed was the right thing to do? Hell no. When will we see him again?"

Ennis started grinning. "I don't know. I'm supposed to go to Sterling this weekend so we can make plans, but I could have him come here the next weekend, meet with my family. Get this ball rolling in the right direction!"

"Yeah, do that! We don't want a sad sack for a daddy (or a grandpa) any longer, do we Junior?"

"No, we surely don't. Make him come here soon." And she smiled a big wide smile.

"What will you tell your kids and husbands?"

"Don't worry, dad, the truth will set you (and us) free."

Ennis put his head in his hands, "Really? Oh my gosh, no."

"The men are grown ups and will be okay with it, just as we are. The kids are kids and will grow up knowing the truth. It won't be a big deal, you'll see daddy."

Ennis called Jack that night at the pre-arranged time and shared his happy news. Jack was bowled over. Not that he thought the girls wouldn't understand, but that Ennis would ever step out of that closet, willingly. He could hardly wait for Thursday to get here. Ennis was driving in after work that night, and staying through Saturday at Jack's house in Sterling.

Jack had actually been working on plans to down-size his responsibilities ever since he and Ennis had found each other last week. Chances are, if he took on only one rodeo to manage, they could spend their days together.

He didn't really care what plans they made, as long as they made them together, and they could spend the rest of their lives waking up together each morning, and falling asleep each night in the same bed.

Bob was ready and willing to take on the whole central western district rodeo association from his dad. Perfect timing all the way around.

As it turned out, Ennis and Jack lived together near Barr Nunn in Ennis' house, and he kept his job at the warehouse for several years. At the same time, Jack managed the Wyoming State Rodeo Association, and Ennis traveled with him much of the time.

Both families gelled together amicably. Holidays were a hoot! Bob, Junior and Jenny were like the siblings they'd always wanted. Brady, Penny, Lucy, Timmy, Amy and Junior's twins Kurt Jr. and Meredith were cousins and happy to be so. When they had a family portrait made, they included the Twists, Tolers, Rawlins and Del Mars in one fabulously handsome group.

Lureen and Steve were frequent visitors and happy that Jack finally found peace with his beloved Ennis. Lu still considered Jack to be one of her very best friends, in spite of being her ex-husband.

Jack took up writing in his later years. One of his deepest regrets is that his mama never knew of his ultimate happiness. She passed away before he was lucky enough to pull together all the pieces of his life in just the way he wanted them.

Ennis continued to center his life around Jack, and vice versa. He has expanded his woodworking hobby, making furniture as well as whittling toys and small animals.

They traveled quite a bit before they decided it was just too much trouble to get their old bones around, what with their arthritis and all.

Now in January, 2013, they are both 68. They will turn 69 this year. They've decided to hell with what outsiders may think, and they are getting married. In February, the entire family will travel to Iowa, spend a week there, partying and celebrating and on Valentine's Day, February 14th, they will become husband and husband.

The Twist-Del Mar Family couldn't be happier!

The End


End file.
